Hey, friends! A while back, the internet flew into a frenzy over whether or not you have an internal monologue. Apparently, the majority of people have an internal monologue and are simply amazed and astounded by those of us who just…don’t. And, yes, I said “those of us” because—surprise!—I am, in fact, someone who does not think via internal monologue.

It’s always been obvious to me that people think in different ways—how could we not, given how each human being sees and experiences the world in vastly different ways? So the fact that some people have an internal monologue and others of us don’t doesn’t exactly shock me. I do understand, though, how others could find not having an internal monologue confusing.

The main question people have been asking seems to be “How???” So I figured I’d give a bit of insight. Mind you, this is only my experience. As I mentioned above, I don’t think anyone (let alone everyone) thinks alike, even if we have general trends in how we think. So, with that being said, let’s get into the good stuff!

My thoughts tend to come to me via this nebulous “thought cloud” of internal sensations, external observations, and emotions. For me, thinking is a quick albeit very all-consuming process. It involves all of my senses, as well as my emotions. Everything connects and interacts to form a greater picture.

So, for instance, if you said to me, “Imagine a pie,” I would visualize the pie in vivid detail, taste the way a pie might taste, feel the sensation of the pie in my mouth, feel the momentary happiness that the taste of pie might bring. Now, this might seem like a lot of emotional and sensory information for a mind to take in, but for me, this thought would occur in nanoseconds (or less).

I recently learned that this ability to imagine things in life-like, full sensory detail is actually called hyperphantasia, and is, apparently, also not how everyone thinks or imagines things. In the words of a 2019 BBC Science Focus article, people with hyperphantasia are described as:

[Describing] pictures so vivid that they can find it hard to be sure whether an image was perceived or imagined.

For me, this is exactly it! And while it might sound amazing in some regards (imagine having the ability to imagine the fantasy worlds of literature coming to life in astonishing detail!), it can also be frustrating and distracting, if I let it go unchecked.

For example, I remember a little while back a friend and I were having a conversation where she was relaying an experience to me and mentioned in passing getting a paper cut on her finger. I remember wincing and grimacing in pain as she said this. My finger had stung and ached as she’d spoken and I’d imagined the paper cut. It subsided after a moment, but it still reminded me of an important point about how I think, imagine, and perceive reality: my mind is as powerful as actual, real life is when it comes to creating the things I experience, and I have a responsibility to myself and others to remember that not everything I perceive is actually reflective of the truth of life.

Now for most adults who’ve had a philosophy or a psychology course or even just gone to a therapy session or two, this realization might sound rather obvious, but I cannot stress how impactful experiencing such a lesson in such a physical way can be. It’s one thing to know in concept that our realities is mostly a construct of our minds and another thing to actually experience that fact first hand.

Apparently I’m not the only one to pick up on this fact, as scientists are reported to be studying people with hyperphantasia in an attempt to find out more about consciousness (which, call me biased, but I think sounds like amazingly cool research!).

Now that I think about it, the way that I think actually has a startlingly large impact on me. I’ve always been a fairly emotional person who’s very sensitive and empathetic. Although I’m extroverted, I do fall into the category of being a “Highly Sensitive Person” (a.k.a. an “HSP”) and I think that can largely be attributed to the fact that I think in the way that I do. It’s very easy for me to become fully immersed in my thoughts, emotions, memories, and imaginings in a very visceral way—and that can be both a good thing and a bad thing.

On the one hand, I think my way of thinking makes me incredibly intuitive and empathetic, which is great. But on the other hand, I think it can also exacerbate my depression and anxiety, as well as my ADHD. This is because, for me, mental “scenes” are as vivid and as emotional as if they are actually occurring in real life. Which also means they’re equally as emotionally, mentally, and physically overwhelming and draining.

The way that I think also allows me to understand, analyze, and manipulate systems very well and very quickly, as I’m good at understanding connections between things because of the all-encompassing way that I think. This definitely comes in handy in my fields of study (which are physics and anthropology) because such fields are all about global systemic analysis rather than linear understanding.

All in all, I’m glad for the way that I think, even when it’s draining. I think it allows me to do far more than it inhibits me from doing. And, that being said, I think it’s fascinating that we all think in different manners and with different methods! I personally would love to look into more research and findings on the patterns in how humans think! But maybe that’s just me being nerdy, lol. Regardless, reflecting on the topic does make you think about how unique we all are and yet we’re still connected by these amazing patterns of nature. It’s amazing! Anyhoo, dear friends, I should probably get back to my regularly scheduled reading, but thank you for stopping by to read this random deep dive of mine. Until next time, pals…

• Ashleigh’s video about being a reader with aphantasia
• Naemi’s post exploring the question of what you “see” when you’re reading

• How do you think about and imagine things?
• Do you have an internal monologue?
• Do you have hyperphantasia?
• Or maybe you have aphantasia (the lack of the ability to imagine things)?

Well, dear friends, it would appear that we are well into summer and I am running late. Again. *sigh*

So, what am I running late in regards to? Well, that would be to posting my Spring 2021 favorites. Since I got my second dose of the COVID-19 vaccine back in late April of this year, this past spring was essentially my last season in strict quarantine (and thank god for that!). So, naturally, I figured I'd share my favorite things that got me through that last little lead up to freedom! Now, I'm not gonna dilly-dally any longer, seeing as I'm already late—let's jump right in!

Sixteen-year-old Deka lives in fear and anticipation of the blood ceremony that will determine whether she will become a member of her village. Already different from everyone else because of her unnatural intuition, Deka prays for red blood so she can finally feel like she belongs.

But on the day of the ceremony, her blood runs gold, the color of impurity--and Deka knows she will face a consequence worse than death.

Then a mysterious woman comes to her with a choice: stay in the village and submit to her fate, or leave to fight for the emperor in an army of girls just like her. They are called alaki--near-immortals with rare gifts. And they are the only ones who can stop the empire's greatest threat.

Knowing the dangers that lie ahead yet yearning for acceptance, Deka decides to leave the only life she's ever known. But as she journeys to the capital to train for the biggest battle of her life, she will discover that the great walled city holds many surprises. Nothing and no one are quite what they seem to be--not even Deka herself.

I've been having a really wonky reading year so far in that almost all of the books I've read have either been average or (unfortunately) below average. So you can imagine my surprise when I found myself genuinely enjoying The Gilded Ones! Like, this book is so good, y'all!! It's got feminism, friendship, magic, intrigue, and there's even an adorable animal sidekick thrown in the mix! What more could you ask for?!

I've been a long-time big fan of Leigh Bardugo's Shadow and Bone trilogy and Six of Crows duology (and of her wider Grishaverse series as well), so when I heard Netflix was adapting those two interlocking series as a single show, I was absolutely ecstatic! Of course, I did have my worries, but it turns out there was no need for them because I couldn't have asked for a better adaptation! The show is so true to Bardugo's original works, and where it diverges from the source material, it still manages to ring true to the characters. What can I say, it did not disappoint as an adaptation! The one gripe I do have is how Alina's racial heritage was treated in the show. That being said, I'm considering doing a whole post on that topic, so I'll save my full thoughts for later. Overall I loved the show and I'm absolutely ecstatic that it's getting a second season!

As a 1994 "Zillennial" (a.k.a. a "Cusper" a.k.a. a "Confused Cusp Kid"), I'm not so far removed from Gen Z that I'm in the grumbling "Ugh! Kids these days!" phase of aging yet (folks, I think it's safe to say: the kids are alright). I love so much of Gen Z's generational "culture," and, of course, that includes the music! So, it's only natural that I've fallen completely in love with Olivia Rodrigo's recently released debut album, SOUR! First off, as a fellow singer, I have to say that Rodrigo's voice is absolutely AMAZING!! I think it's something these days when you can hear that the artist is using little to no autotune, so listening to SOUR really was a special treat. Furthermore, beyond her singing, it's truly impressive how good Rodrigo's songwriting is, especially considering she's only 18! I love the emotion she packs into each song, from anger to sadness to forgiviness. Anyhoo, long story short, I've been playing SOUR on repeat and it's pretty damn clear to me that Rodrigo is definitely one to watch!

As someone who's also a book blogger, it's probably unsurprising that I love the little niche of YouTube that has come to be known as "booktube." Thus, it is probably also unsurprising that one of my latest favorites is a booktube channel I recently discovered called uncarley. The thing is, I feel like Carley's content is really accessible to people outside of the bookish community as well, which is so awesome! First off, she's fucking hilarious (which is unsurprising as apparently she's a trained professional comedian). Second off, she's just incredibly relatable and comes off as really down to earth. And, last but not least, her content is just plain fun! I also love that she talks so openly about being a young woman with ADHD (cause, lord knows, unfortunately us girlies with ADHD definitely don't get enough real life representation!). All in all, Carley's channel is sure to leave you bursting from laughter and with a few good book recommendations too!

Well, that's all for today, friends! I hope you enjoyed reading and maybe found something new to pique your interest. I know now that the weather is nice here in the DC area and I'm fully vaccinated, I'm sure I'll be finding plenty more new favorites to report back to y'all about soon enough. Anyhoo, I'm off to finish a great book I've been making my way through lately, so until next time, dear friends...

As some of you may be aware, in addition to this blog, I also run a book blog, so it may not come as a shocker that not only do I love reading, but I've also read a lot of books! That being said, I'm surprised to say that after evaluating my reading, I've actually found that I haven't read many books about mixed race characters which are also by mixed race authors.

I'll admit: this discovery was pretty surprising for me. In the past five-ish years, the literary community has slowly started to focus on books about marginalized characters which are by authors who share that very same marginalized identity (these books are frequently categorized as "#OwnVoices" books). Yet despite this, the majority of books about mixed race characters that I've come across haven't been by actual mixed race authors. So, naturally, I went down a research rabbit hole looking for #OwnVoices mixed race books!

The following five books are #OwnVoices books representing mixed race individuals that I've added to my reading list. They are not simply the stereotypical reprsentation of biracial Black/White identity, but follow individuals of diverse multiracial idenities, from Black and Indigenous American to White and Persian, to name a few. So, without any further ado, let's take a look!

My friend Leelynn from the book blog Sometimes Leelynn Reads wrote an absolutely glowing review of Firekeeper's Daughter, in which she talked about her own experience as a mixed race Indigenous American person and how that made the book extra special for her. While Leelynn's review sealed the deal for me, personally, due to the fact that she and I share a mixed race Black American/Cherokee heritage, I've also heard so many positive things about this book from a ton of reviewers, several of whom were also Indigenous American!

Firekeeper's Daughter is a YA thriller written by Indigenous American author Angeline Boulley which focuses a lot on Indigenous American identity, particularly that of Indigenous American young women. The main character, Daunis, is mixed race Indigenous American and lives just off the reservation. Daunis is thrown into the mix of a criminal investigation when she witnesses a murder. She must go undercover in order to find out the truth of what is going on using traditional knowledge and modern science—but will she figure the mystery out in time?

The Stanford Sexual Assault Case—which saw Stanford University student Brock Turner tried for a brutal sexual assault, convicted, and sentenced to a mere six months in jail despite undeniable, rock solid evidence of his guilt—managed to both captivate and horrify America—and arguably the world—and provided the impetus for a nation-wide soul search regarding sexism and the criminal justice system which continues up to this day. At the time the young woman and assault victim at the center of the case was known to the world only as "Emily Doe," but in 2019, Chanel Miller stepped forward to reveal that she was "Emily Doe" with the publication of her memoir, Know My Name.

Know My Name tells Miller's story, from the night of her assault to the degrading and humiliating trial to how these events would impact her. I've heard so many incredible reviews of this memoir, particularly reviews from women—and women of color, especially—about just how evocative and impactful Miller's story is. There is no doubt that, although once anonymous, history will know Chanel Miller's name.

Starfish by Akemi Dawn Bowman is a bit of a "backlist" book, having been published back in 2017, and I'm always surprised that I rarely see it mentioned in the bookish community and in general, considering that it is an award winning debut YA novel. Nevertheless, it's a book that's always managed to pique my interest, seeing as it's a story that focuses on the main character's half-Japanese identity and Bowman herself is half-Japanese as well. The few reviews of this book that I have come across, though, have given tit high praise, so I'm looking forward to eventually reading it!

Starfish tells the story of Kiko, a teen girl who's juggling coming to terms with her half-Japanese identity, social anxiety, a narcissistic mom, and a heartbreaking rejection from the art school of her dreams. Sounds tough, right? So it's no wonder that she jumps at the chance to tour West Coast art schools with her good friend. But what ensues transforms from a trip to tour schools into a life-changing journey that will change Kiko for good.

I've seen this book hailed as a hilarius and heartwarming look at a teen boy's mixed race Persian identity, as well as his identity as a gay boy in the modern age and how that particular identity is viewed cross-culturally. And, frankly, I am so here for this kinda story! I think one of the most interesting and sometimes tricky parts of being mixed race is that if you are marginalized in some other way besides race, you can sometimes be placed at the crux of two cultures who view/treat that other marginalization very differently. It's really fascinating to find a book which will hopefully tackle that concept in a thoughtful way!

Darius the Great Is Not Okay is the story of Darius, a half Persian nerd who is disconnected from his Persian heritage and who is on his first ever trip to visit his family in Iran. It's there that he meets not only his Persian family, but also Sohrab, the sweet boy next door who helps Darius feel like a "real Persian" for the first time ever. But will Darius be able to maintain his connection to his heritage when it's finally time to say goodbye to Sohrab and Iran and go home?

I've always been a big fan of Trevor Noah and I've particularly loved his ability to speak to the nuances of race and racism, both on a national and an international scale, as a man who is not only mixed race, but also a mixed race South African who was "born a crime" during the South African apartheid. He is always able to speak to racial issues with nuanced perspective and blunt humor and I really admire that ability.

Born A Crime: Stories from a South African Childhood is Noah's memoir all about his childhood growing up as a mixed Black South African/White South African child in apartheid-era South Africa, in which interracial marriage was illegal. I've seen so many reviews saying this memoir is humorous, both heartbreaking and heartwarming, and incredibly inciteful. All in all, I can't wait to get my hands on a copy of this book (especially the audiobook, which is narrated by Noah and which I hear is an incredible production in its own right)!

So that's all for today, friends! I hope you enjoyed this post and maybe found a book or two that you might want to pick up. Speaking of books, I've got several that I better get started on finishing! Until next time, dear friends!

Hello, my dear friends, and welcome to the start of my new blogging adventure! I'm so glad you're here!

I started this blog as a way to give my unique persective on the world as a multiracial young woman in America. So, when I came across the mixed girl tag on Tumblr, I thought taking part would be a great way to introduce myself and help y'all get to know me! Let's not dilly dally anymore, though—let's just dive right in!

What are you mixed with?

I am Black American, Lebanese, Cherokee, and a smidge Scottish!

What ethnicities have you been mistaken for?

It honestly varies in different regions of the US and also based on what race/ethnicity the person I'm interacting with is. Black American folk generally take one look at me and immediately know that I'm Black, so most of them don't bother asking me what I am or making any assumptions or guesses as to my heritage. Similarly, Arabs always recognize me as Arab, however they tend to think I'm Afro-Arab instead of Asiatic Arab, likely because they see recognize the mixture of African/Arab but mistakenly ascribe it to the wrong African and Arab ethnicities (for example, Arabs frequently mistake me for being Moroccan). Latinx folk tend to mistake me for Puerto Rican or Brazilian, and I think this is partially because I'm a mixture of Black and Indigenous, similar to many Latinx people, especially in Puerto Rico and Brazil. White people typically don't think that I'm White, but also generally have no clue what race/ethnicity I might be. Some guesses I've gotten from many White folk are "some type of Latinx?" and Jewish.

Is your hair curly or straight?

My hair is really curly! To be specific, I have fine, highly porous 3C curls.

Was coming from different backgrounds challenging growing up?

In all honesty I'm happy to say that the answer is "not really." IMy hometown is incredibly racially and ethnically diverse and super integrated. For example, during the time I attended, my high school was one of the top three most racially diverse high schools in the US and there was no race-based violence. Because my hometown is so diverse, I was one of many mixed raced kids at my schools growing up, so I wasn't really viewed as "special," "different," or "unusual."

Which backgrounds did you embrace the most?

All of them! Growing up, I was fortunate to live in a home where I was really encouraged to embrace each and every part of all of my cultural heritages/identities and to learn every history and connect with every community and participate in every culture. I was also fortunate enough to grow up in an area that was diverse enough to facilitate that.

Have you ever been teased for being different?

I haven't necessarily been teased specifically for being mixed race, per se, but I've definitely been made fun of for different aspects of my racial/ethnic identity. For instance, I have very fair skin, but in almost every other way, I present as stereotypically "phenotypically Black" and growing up non-Black kids would make fun of me for both of those things. Having grown up in the aftermath of 9-11, I also had White folks saying a lot of really hateful things to me about my Arab heritage and calling me an "Arab terrorist."

Have you ever been ashamed of being multiracial?

Never! I grew up mainly with my mother, who is also multiracial (she's Lebanese, Black, and Irish) and she made a conscious effort to teach me to embrace the fullness of my multiracial heritage and to never be ashamed of it, no matter what others might say.

Do you feel that being mixed has its benefits?

I think it has its benefits only as much as being any race has its benefits. That being said, it definitely gives you a unique perspective and I, personally, feel a responsibility to use that unique perspective to leave the world a little better than I found it.

What makes being multiracial a beautiful thing?

I think being multiracial really showcases how each culture has so many similarities and so many differences and those similarities and differences are meant to be celebrated and shared, rather than ignored in favor of assimilation to one culture. The world is so much more beautiful when you learn to see it in color and to embrace that colorful nature of life. I feel like multiracial people really embody that particular truth and that's so beautiful and special.

Any advice to someone who struggles with their multiracial identity?

No matter what, don't break yourself into percentages! Embrace all of your cultural heritages as 100% a part of you and that you are a full human being!

So that's all for today, dear friends! Hopefully this tag gave you a better glimpse into who I am and what you can expect from me. I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences as a mixed person or as a non-mixed person in the comments and hopefully we can get a good discussion going and learn from each other!

Until next time, dear friends!

Lila